When I finally quit this two-bit job and execute my plan to one day run for the House of Representatives in New York’s 12th District, I have a new strategy lined up based on recent events.
(Quick aside, if you wonder how I’m going to run for Congress, it’s pretty simple: I plan to walk into the Republican Party offices, say “Hey, I see Rep. Velazquez is running unopposed again. I’d like to give it a shot.” They will shrug their shoulders, say “Fuck it, we need somebody”, and they will give me a medium-sized cash box full of money, and it’s on. The only thing that complicates matters is that I am not a registered Republican, but as my man Joe 24K says, “That’s not important.”)
So, in light of Rep. Christopher Lee’s resignation today, I plan to distribute, take credit, and fully explain any all similar pictures of me shirtless and far, far beyond. In fact, I will insist that my friends post these photos on my campaign site. Not only will I get tons of free publicity from a horrified/curious media, One of my campaign promises will be: “I know how to expose government waste.”
Okay, the slogan needs work. The rest of this idea is solid.
1 year ago